aim: turn my life up again!

talked to 2 bizad ppl, hongchoo (my jc sch mate, collin's classmate) and vincent (hc's fren) abt my plan to transfer to business from arts which left me confused once again if i shld stay.

or leave....

suddenly i do not want to step out of my comfort zone. i do not want to meet new people. i find myself tongue tied having to strike a conversation with someone unfamilar.. or perhaps i just don't want to. my inner voice hollers to me i am unable to do this anymore. and much to my dismay, it is becoming a self-fulfilled prophecy.

i seems to have forget how to love myself. dun let negative thoughts become self-fulfilled prophecy.

i have been thinking quite alot about certain issues nowadays. frens. growing up. collin. love. studies. me, myself and i. i am thinking tad too much, its sapping all my energy. i feel like a mental trash.

it is possible to feel alone in a room full of people.. as we grow up, we seems to live in a facade.

it's really not easy having a bf in army. suddenly i don't blame gals who tell their army bfs "i still love you alot but lets breakup.."

the times u wanted so much for his strong hands to pick you up, he wasn't there.
the times u wanted to share ur happiness with him, he wasn't there.
the times when u are emotionally beaten, the most he could do is to coo you over this cold hard machine called telephone. even so, count the number of times u would spend that few minutes before 10:30pm (lights off time) seeking solace in him.
gradually, "our" - 1 life becomes "yours and mine" - 2 lives, each with the vaguest idea how the other is leading his or hers.

i'm not recounting my own experience. fear not. collin and i are doing just great. and i know i won't give up on him just of that. 2.5 years of wait is more than worth it for someone like him.. haha. for the records, maybe i'll smash his balls if he comes out of army and cheats on me. *ouch* wahahahahaha.. i'm sadistic.

me (sweetly): "i am just kidding, dear. you can't tell? oops."
lalalalala~

i did attend the starhub gathering in the end, even though i very much wanted to pack myself snugly in bed with my notebook on my lap. (my notebook is my new companion now. haven thot of a name for it.. hmmm...) the 20 (or 30?) of us chunked up a bill of over $800. i didn't pay a single cent! it was a treat from the managers. (thanks!!) boy, swensens was almost ours ytd night!! all that noise from us.. how inconsiderate. haha.

i am glad i went afterall and i enjoyed myself. yiyi, angie, dorkie, jonnie was there. poor xiang had to rush this project that was due today (she only came to know about it ytd night). it's good seeing all these people. i hope to see you guys at cuppage in may!! let the power team work together again, man~~!!!

(angie, you are so hot/pretty/adorable.. i m drooling. no worries.. u are unbeatable!!! we support you!!!)

got teased by the guys, pairing me up with this guy again. let's call him W. at one point, i stretched over to get a cherry from the Earthquake W and a few others are sharing and W actually gathered all the cherries and asked me if i wanted more. uh huh..? got teased more. i don't know why he do that for. simply providing them with another reason to start teasing again. i don't blame him. he's 17.. or 18.. he'll learn as he grows up and thanks but i am not into young boys. good thing i had my dorkie baby to help me zip the guys up.

shall post the pics when i have uploaded them to my lappie!!!