i m back!

there are so many things i wanna get off my chest. so allow me to blog a 2nd time tonight.

i'm deciding if i shld go for the LASIK checkup tmr. i can't decide. it seems too big a decision to make. my eyes!! for goodness sake.

reasons y i shld:
1) my dad's paying for it. (yay~)
2) i would love to have perfect eyesight. (who doesn't!) imagine no dry eyes. no blurry images. no eye irritation. u can rub ur eyes anytime.

reason y i shld not:
1) if my degree has not stabilise or say i do not take care of it well enuf, my short sightedness will come back to haunt me. and things will be much more complicated then. cos i may not be able to wear contact lenses anymore cos the eye-something has changed. (er.. i think can, but you have to custom made them to suit ur "new" eye shape.) so i either have to undergo another lasik surgery or wear spectacles for the rest of my life. (hell.. no!)

i hate to make major decisions. 1st the school transfer thingy. and now this!

oh my.. have i become more and more indecisive? sometimes collin and i rely on each other to think so much we are half the brain of each other. ahh.. i have to change!!!

i gonna be more decisive. i gonna love myself all over again. i gonna be optimistic. i gonna be myself. backtrack.. backtrack! to who i am before sinking into this mental well. for a start, i m smiling already.

i rmbr how i used to go "smile always!" and "life is great! i'm loving it!". i don't recall the last time i said all these. blogging seems to make me more aware of my emotions, in ways i never imagined. it's a good thing. but an equally bad thing at the same time, if you get what i mean. at least, i was happy, superficially or not, when i wasn't so "aware".

i need to find my character back. reality check: i have lose myself.

note to self: i better style my hair to sch in future. i look like a bird just build a nest on my head. add my black framed spectacles to the picture. argh.. i hate to wear spectacles. i need to look good to feel good. been feeling i look a mess lately. i gotta make a conscious effort to "tidy up" myself. for a start, lemme wake up to be on time for my lessons!!

i gonna buy an alarm clock. (i still want to buy an ipod. ok.. maybe i shld just get it as a gift to myself for celebrating my entrance to adulthood. maybe 20 isn't that bad afterall. hey! whats wrong with me? i was being such a loser pessimist the past few days. hey!! rmbr? life is GOOD!)

i wrote this last september:

smile always..
cos you never knows who is falling in love with your smile.
and anyway, smiling is the cheapest way to make yourself more beautiful.
instant results guaranteed.
whether u smile or u frown, the day goes on as it is.
so why not make life easier for yourself?
be optimistic.. the cup is always half full.
the situation doesn't change but just the perspective from which u view it.
i prefer to do things the sunshine way. =)

when did i start to forget all these? its the perspective from which u view a situation. darn..

watch out for me.. cos i m BACCCCKKKKK!!!!



yea.. i m feeling good now!!