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Friday, September 24, 2004

return of the emotional me? not quite.

i'm not actively blogging for all to see but for me to make sense of things. just too many thots that my funky little organiser can't store. blogger is good. unlimited space.

i tink all this blogging is in a way reconciling a lil bit for the old me. the more sensitive part of me. which i believe i choose to bury to make myself stronger, less emotional.. becoming the more pragmatic qimin. which has its pros and cons. being the more pragmatic me i can be as crazy as i like to, not having to tink too much about what others tink. just having pure fun!! the more emotional side of me can sometimes be too sensitive. think too much.. over read stuff. and i dun like that at all. i blame it on my pisces traits. heh.. i did work very hard to not adhere to these traits. not wanting it to be a self fulfilled prophecy. and i succeeded.

but lately pragmatic me is starting not to feel some things. not able to react empathetically to some situations.. perhaps too eager to shut myself from being too emotional. but at the same time, its making me feel like a empty shell. though being pragmatic makes me happier.. in a way. i dunno whether ppl can relate to this kind of feelings.

tokking my feelings out here.. i feel i'm getting in touch with inner self. now, striving to create a nice balance of a pragmatic yet emotional self. not saying i dun like the way i am now, somewhat narcisstic, i like myself alot. heh.. but some adjustment will be good. it'll still be the same me. but hopefully, a better one.

some thots for some ppl out there.. no names mentioned but they'll noe who they are if they understand what i'm writing.

1) some ppl always look to the future.
some ppl to the past.
so much so that they forgot about today.
for all they noe, today was once their future
and when tomorrow comes, it'll be their past.
today is the only day you are in ctrl of.
so dun behave as if you have no ctrl of ur fate,
just because you din try to when you can..
2) sometimes, the closer you look at some stuff
the more distorted it becomes.
but if you take a step back,
you'll see much clearer for sure.
if someone says something u dun agree,
u can say its bullshit.
if 10 ppl come up to say that same thing,
maybe you have to rethink ur stand.
if only we can make you understand..
lastly.. i may have repeat this a dozen times. but i tink this is really true.
3)whether the day is good or bad,
whether you smile or frown.
life goes on as it is.
so why not smile
and make life easier for urself and those ard you.
in my opinion.. smiling, even the day stinks
is not a facade you are carrying,
but a consolation to urself.
[read this from some email sometime back..]
just as you woke up this morning,
you are fortunate.
cos some ppl din even live to see the daybreak of today.
see.. life is so good, isn't it? stop comparing how some ppl seems happier than you.. but stop by to look at the many others who are more unfortunate. ppl under sexual abuse, ppl who are constantly in hunger, ppl who never knew what peace is, ppl living under terror.. all their life. but they are all fighting for survival.
you may not agree with all that i write. anyway, like i say earlier.. its all for me to make sense of happenings. you may also feel its easier to say than to act out. which i agree. and all these can be whole loads of crap!! but at least its optimism that make me happier, make life easier.. and if it keeps me going.. y not?
so on a final note.. life is still GREAT. heh.. keep smiling!


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