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Friday, October 15, 2004

life.. bah!

sorry i havent been blogging recently. life has been hell.. yesh.. living hell.
until today!!! took my last mid term test today. officially the end of all my mid term tests and project deadlines. *phew* for the past month, i went thru 5 mid term tests and 3 project deadlines. life was crazy then. the results: O_O --> panda me.
i seems the only one thats happy!! after the EL test today. everyone looks so worried/shagged. nope.. not becos i'm confident of doing well. but becos its a huge burden finally taken off my back. life has been too fast previously. i'm stressed out totally. deprived of quality sleep (cos i keep waking up in the middle of night trying to do some work, only to fall asleep again. and this repeats itself up to 10 times every night. end up doing next to nothing and bad quality sleep.)

i need a simpler life than this!! no one told me life in uni will be easy.. but no one told me it will be this hard either. (wait.. actually someone did tell me that life in uni will be easy, the exact words they told me when i'm doing my As: "must jiayou.. last lap le. after that, go uni then good life already!" yeah rite.. maybe they are just trying to paint an optimistic view. over optimistic, in my opinion.)
i admire ppl who could walk out if they feel that this isnt what they want out of life.. like stopping school and coming back when you feel like it. my aim is always to get into NTU comms studies. was thinking of reapplying next year.. see if they'll take me or even give me a chance to be interviewed. but then again, what about NUS? isnt that wasting one year of my life, getting all bogged down for nuts? i couldn't do it. hell.. most imptly, with my fucking grades, they will probably not even take a glimpse of my application. (pardon the vulgarities.. this is normally a very 'clean' blog but i need to let it OUT!!!) so probably i should just save the $15, the application fee, and continue life at NUS FASS, whether i like it or not.

sometimes, i wish i could give more to my family and frens. but somehow.. i just couldnt be there as much as i want to. i dunno what i'm busy with.. my time management sucks. time passes without me noeing how it was spent. i feel sad when i realise i am not there for my loved ones when they needed someone to be there.. maybe i suck as a fren. somebody kill me.. but i care. i do. i feel misunderstood. misinterpreted. but perhaps.. thats the complexities of life. trapped. empty. hollow.

but i must remain optimistic. be more cheerful. if not for myself, for those ard me. life itself is hard already. then again, maybe i shld keep in mind mr gui's words: "whats the worst that can happen!?" heh.. this quote pushes me on at times.life can be hopeful.. if we choose to view it from another perspective.

lotsa of stuff happen from the last time i blog till now.. i may come back you fill you up with backdated entries. if i feel like it..

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