happy bdae xiang.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO XIANG (DA BABE)!!!!

welcome to the big TWO club!

but dun worry, you still look sixteen - as always.

we should hang out more often.. so that people will think i am young too.

i'll never forget that michael who said i am 24.

and that stupid customer who addressed me as 'auntie' to her son (who is obviously older than me).

but i dun mind reliving those days.

you, me, yiyi, dorkie, angie, mich, jonas, norman, sly!!!

let's go, bitches!!!

oh.. and you are very very skinny.

not a single ounce of fat.

trust me.

*throws hands up in exasperation*

computing bookmarks.

i spend my whole day doing this.

take a closer look.

yep.. this is what it's all about.



wish me luck for my computing presentation tmr. =)


(erm.. if you think of visiting, the website doesn't show well on firefox. so please use IE ONLY. and if you have slow connection, even my MOL1500 aint good enuf, it doesn't show well also. so.. yea.. this is the best i could do in 3 days.)

again and again and again.

i get confused. spinning fantasies out of thin air. there are too many what-ifs.. but these are meaningless thoughts. cos nothing changes the status quo.


absolutely nothing. all of us will just lead lives as usual, hoping it is another passing phase.

it always works. and it will again. again and again.

dumb wireless connection

my wireless connection has been highly unstable lately. haven't had a decent MSN chat for a long time. friends, call me if you miss me!!!


i m missing you. and you. sucha bitch.

update: project life.

this is the dynamic group for my management project. oohh... love this group. things just get done. the people are nice, pleasant, helpful, fun and are sincerely concerned about each other. what more can i ask for? yay!! thoroughly enjoyed working with this peepx.

after a very successful presentation. lalalala~

and oh.. [roll eyes] emailed me and said she is "super impressed with my part" among other stuffs. (dunno who is roll eyes? refer to 01 March's entry.) which made me very very happy. i have proven my worth, to her and more importantly, to MYSELF. after consistent efforts to try to see the better side of her, she ain't that bad afterall. at the very least, she sounds nice over emails and does her part in the project (good work ethics). i prolly shouldn't be expecting to enjoy every project group.

i am 1 project really down, 2 projects near completion (done my part for one, and just need to present for the other this friday) and 1 last one pending.

shall i say i am pretty proud of myself? heh. been very absorbed in clearing projects, hope i can start studying somehow. 1 whole sem of workload to study (for all 5 modules).. urps. this is the real battle. and it has barely began.

i am still positive. hooray!!

mno presentation. =)

management presentation is a success. yay!!!

strong. stronger.

i may falter and fall.. but nothing will bring me down.



nothing.

what do you want to be?

i have a presentation in 7 hours time. had just finished altering the length of my 1st black pants (from Zara), hand stitched okay!! too bad i've not gotten it in time for me to send it to alter its cut. it is now a freaking bell bottoms.

i hate bell bott. it brings back bad memories. *shudders* my sad past. haha. i still cringe when i think of those "glorious" days. but i have collin to cringe with me when we look back at how we used to be. fashion sense = nil. zero. zilch. 0. ling2. since then, i have steer clear of anything that resembles a bell bott. (eg. Levis M593 is a no-no).

-------------

at 12, ask me what i want to be? A flight stewardess.

at 14, ask me what i want to be? A pet shop owner.

at 16, ask me what i want to be? An event organiser.

at 18, ask me what i want to be? An event organiser.

at 20 (now), ask me what i want to be? Hmmm.. event organiser? advertising?

ahh.. i think a flight stewardess will do just fine.

sometimes, i feel my inability to get into NTU's comms studies or in fact, any SG uni's biz schs (NUS/SMU/NTU) makes me lose a significant amount of confidence in my capabilities. somehow or another, i do feel i may not be up to it afterall.

i talk alot about not letting negative thoughts be self fulfilling prophecies. here i am, letting them eat into me. i doubt my ability to become a successful event organiser and question my ability to gain strong footing in the advertising field.

i was drifting around my house one day and this tv news about ngee ann poly caught my attention. something about the final year students producing advertisements that may be used by some major corporations somewhere.

disheartened. at the end of my 3 or 4 years in NUS, i may not have produced even half an ad. who am i to even compete with these poly people? a wrong choice of course you may say, but i have stepped too deep into this to get out.

at this point of time, the prospect of being a flight stewardess seems very promising indeed.

why did i quit dreaming of becoming one along the way in the 1st place?

1stly, it was too common a dream for gals my age during that time. i am not attention seeking but yes.. i do want to be different - not mainstream.

2ndly/lastly, my sis was a flight stewardess herself. i dunnoe if you understand the stigma of following the footsteps of your siblings. like you grew up wanting to do the same thing as they do; you want to tag along to their friends' outing; join the same cca, etc. then when you reach a point in life where you could think for yourself, you begin wanting to do different things and sub-consciously or not, not what to do the things they do. i guess it is some sort of denial.

i was at my peak at 16 - full of ambitions and plans for the future me. i wouldnt say the same for now. perhaps one screwed 'A's really makes me question everything about myself.

maybe.. just maybe.. some day i will just fly around the world, quit thinking of becoming someone else. for now.. i don't want to make so much plans. perhaps it is true..
when you have no expectations, you have no disappointments - only pleasant surprises.

i think i am losing the drive in life. sucked in the myth of singapore's meritocracy.

ICM to CNM

ICM gets New Name, will offer modules in Interactive Media & Public Relations starting August 2005.

The ICM Programme has been renamed Communications and New Media Programme —or CNM. The change is the result of a major restructuring of the curriculum and the addition of new modules in the areas of interactive media and communication management (public relations)......

goto ---> http://www.fas.nus.edu.sg/icm/news_050323newwebsite.htm





staying is not that bad afterall. finally ICM is giving its major students some form of direction. communication management sounds pretty good.

gym-ing!

my laptop is breaking down on me. it is like a virus machine now and i have no idea why. i am cleaning them out everyday but they just won't get lost. i've cleared 7 ytd and the day before 3. leave my (lousy) fujitsu ALONEEEE. (i want an ibook! hmph.)

my wireless connection is dying on me too. now, i m using the cable - so have to sit beside the router. wats the point of a WIRELESS router then?!!!! is it starhub or is it MEEE?? =/

there are many random things to blog about nowadays but i m just too preoccupied with day to day life, most of times i just dun have the mood to talk about other stuffs. hmm...

--------------

starhub. i am crossing my fingers adrian asks us back before we have to ask him to take us. no matter what, we will still go back. (yes.. for the moolahs and the great great company of the bitches and babes.) but at least for me, i will feel much more treasured and of worth if he asked. you get what i mean?

sometimes, the people there make me question alot what we meant to them. actually i think i know. we are replaceable despite how each time we meet, they will be complaining how the new temps can't work, unlike US. (we think we are the best too anyway. heh). but thats the truth.. we are replaceable. and it is sad because somewhat, i feel strong emotional attachment to starhub and its people. or maybe that emotional attachment will only exist if i have the bitches/sluts/babes around.

ok. up to this point, i sincerely do not feel it is a mutual thing. if he don't ask.. we will just be thickskinned and ask to go back. hmph.

--------------

i went gym-ing yesterday btw. lalalala~ my abs' bit sore now. but it feels good. at least each time i work out a lil, i quit feeling fat. ok.. not fat (corrected by collin).. i am flabby and untone. this is my 1st official visit to the gym and more to come~!! i actually think it is quite fun. haha. aim: toner bums, thighs, abs. maybe train for a bigger chest too. heh.. urps.

collin is my motivation to exercise. without him, i think i will just be wanting to move my ass to do some workout but end up slugging my days away. gym-ing is his thing. so is running, cycling, tennis, swimming, frisbee, beach volleyball. (i am not implying he is damn good at all these. but these are the sports we used to do or are doing now.) and so, i just tag along.

collin's purpose of doing gym: he likes to work out and tone up.
my purpose of doing gym: i want to tone up. period.

i would love to say "ohh.. i like to work out very much indeed" but reality is.. i don't. if i can be toned without working out, heck the gym and running.

i miss my friends.

i am back to my positive self.

projects are clearing up.
pimples are clearing up.

projects. shopping.

two projects down - only have to clear both of its presentation. which for management at least, i think it is going to rock. just pray i dun get so embarrassed with the video, which i starred as an angel (lalalala~ a bimbotic one), that i lose it. heh.


it's shopping shopping this weekend!! i need to get one formal wear, one gown/dress.. and one stunning heels to match both the ocassion. it's the time of the month that you are terribly broke but everything you see seems to be so stunningly beautiful you have to get it.

funny how come when you are loaded and out to spend money.. but nothing seems to catch your eyes. i think i need an advanced allowance. mamee pls?

of thumb nails and sore thumb.

remember the (many) times your finger nail cracked a lil at its side and having keep its length for so long, you din want to chop it off. then while trying to pry open _______, you accidentally tear that very nail off. ouch.

somehow, everytime i think of going for a manicure, my nails will start to break on me. now i have an extra short thumb nail (which i just broke when trying to open the knot on the plastic bag), 6 mid-length finger nails and 3 long ones (the survivors).

hope the thumb nail grows to a decent length for me to go manicure early april.. in preparation for collin's comms ball of course. lalalalala~ another ocassion to doll myself up, splurge on a nice dress which i will prolly only wear once and get new shoes too. lalalalala~

then i recall collin's social night that i attended last year. i was so very excited about the whole event but well, the evening just din turn out very well. though i didn't admit so when collin apologised and asked if i enjoyed myself.

imagine this scene: sitting alone on a table with 4 other couples you barely knew. collin was the music coordinator and was away from the table almost the whole night. the girl on your left happens to know the girl on your right and so, they started to chat away with you seated in the middle, sticking out like a sore thumb. no matter how you concentrate on the food like it is sincerely nice (but it's really yikey), it's just plain awkward.

it comes to my realisation i am not much of a socialite. but if you choose to warm up to me, i can do so too very fast indeed.

so that whole evening, you see a dumb gf following his very busy bf into the AVA room. in and out. in and out. it is a dumb sight. but beats sitting alone at the table. awkward. alone. quiet.

let's just hope comms ball will be better, now that i got to know hongchoo better since we are doing this management project together and she is kelvin's date for comms ball. yay! at least i can talk to her, should collin leaves me alone this time round. (he told me he is sabo-ed to sing with some other people that day.)

i have not reach the stage where i can simply sit there alone and pretend i am sincerely enjoying myself. i don't want to be the dumb tag-along-whenever-you-go GF anymore.

(don't think collin will see this. but i am not complaining really. i just feel pretty dumb when i reflect on myself that day. urps. so sincerely, nothing to do with you.)

my nus days.

i face the dilemma every wednesday after my 1 hour programming tutorial of going to the following computing lecture or not. (that is if i even go for my programming tutorial in the 1st place). haha. webcast can be such a headache sometimes.

just when i decided i should go and was pondering over what to do to kill the next 20 minutes, i see the internal shuttle bus (to arts) pull at the science bus stop. i ran for it. heh. so here i am, in AS7 com lab. a hell lot of stuff to print (after effect of yesterday's packing session).

i should have realised it doesn't take a lot to convince me not to go. haha. another webcast on my waiting list. urps. my waiting list is getting tad too long - very very long. haha.

talking about AS7 com lab. once you have gotten use to the school laserjet printer, you can no longer bear with the inkjet printer you have at home. at least for me, YES. my inkjet at home seems to be taking forever to print one sheet of notes and do so with lotsa grunts, jerking the whole computer desk while doing its thang.

but it happen more than once that i send my 21 pages pdf file to printing, paid duly for it, and they return me with one clean page with one or two liner at the top stating some error i never understand. then you approach the old uncle who sits in his lil room forever. and he tells you, "your document got problem. try printing with the other printer."

-_-"

i send the same file to the same printer and this time it works. they sure owe nus students alot of bucks for this act and yes, they need to improve on their after sales service for sure.

random thots (again).

spend the last few hours putting old notes away and filing this sem notes. finally, cleared my piles of unorganised papers. at least i know now where my notes are and which notes i don't have.

project status: .one.outta.four.down. (i know it was two down before. but for one of them, roll-eyes gave me some feedback to improve on the paper so gotta do more research again. urghs.)

realise i don't have much to blog about nowadays. it has all been about projects and school stuff. *yawn*

the only interesting thing about my life now is prolly weekends out with collin, collin's upcoming commissioning parade on 2nd april and my MNO project presentation!!! yes.. haha.. i am actually looking forward to the presentation. this team is great and things just get done when they have to be. of cos, prolly cos most of us knew each other one way or another prior this.

hope adrian wants us back.

friends and uni.

i was talking to john about nus being depressing - one of the factors being you don't have your close(r) friends with you most of the time. then he told me i should do networking and get to cultivate closer friendships with people. but my point is as long as at the end of the day, i have this certain (small) group of people with me, i am ok.

after the chat, i felt a lil dry in my eyes. then i remember ting messaging me the other day to read ST cos there is something about lasik - people having failed surgery, going blind, not having corrected eyesight after the surgery. so i decided to moist my eyes. you never know what will happen anyway, better to take xtra care. then i realise i have given my only bottle of prescribed eyedrop to my brother. but on my table, stood two new bottles of eye mo. from ruth. she gave me one bottle for dry eyes and the other for eye irritation together with many other meaning-full stuffs for my birthday. how thoughtful.

you get what i am trying to say? as long as i have these people who sincerely care, i don't want to go around cultivating frenships with people who probably doesn't give a hoot. i don't want to have superficial friends cos in any case, they don't make my NUS life any less depressive . i guess i am prolly at a stage whereby i don't want to be so-called networking. i am very much content being left alone at times in NUS.

which prolly also explains why i will want to go smu. at least my frens are there - xiang, dorkie, jasmyn, huiling (and collin, in time to come). it is not that bad in NUS actually. i don't think SMU will be less stress than where i am now. i just thought a change of environment will be good. besides, i really wouldn't mind a biz degree over an arts one. and no, it is not because of collin that i wanted to go. but with the factors mention earlier, collin will be a bonus.

ultimately, it is still tentative whether i go to SMU or not. i have to be selected for interview and pass the interview. with A level results like mine, i am not pinning high hopes. i don't think i will get too upset if i don't get in. arts will do just fine.

i am just letting things fall into place themselves now. life is ok. just ok. and ok is good enough for now.

*applause please*

i have [completed 2 projects, near-completing 1 more] over the last week or so. 1 more untouched but we gotta start on that tomorrow. aim to complete the 3rd by today. jiayou ba!

things are going rather smoothly now. and i hope to have time to start studying soon. one whole sem of stuffy to complete in one month. i have alot of grounds to cover for sure.

sometimes, when you question too much on the purpose of doing some stuff you don't really want to do, you get disheartened. you don't feel like doing it; you don't catch up; you lag behind somemore; the more disheartened you get. it is a VICIOUS CYCLE.

so i decided, i shan't question the purpose and just do it. at least i have my reward at the end of it - my 3 months hols!!! woah.. just thinking of it flies me to the moon.

let me start picking up my life from now on. please.

i hate to always lose the steam. sometimes, u get so motivated to start on something. the next moment, you forgot all about and go back to the old ways. just gimme a break and don't let it happen this time. i want to have my 3 months' hols in peace.

---------

i see some of my frens going through a rough patch now. i hope i can do more to help. please don't be negative. please don't be sad. please don't entertain such horrendous thoughts. just forget him. just let go of her. but sad to say, matters of the heart ain't that simple to cure.

i just hope u guys can see through the smog soon. be strong. one failed relationship means nothing. even if it means something, it is that this relationship taught you how to love better the next one that comes.

have faith that there is someone out there destined for you and only you. someone better. someone who loves you as much as you do. i know how easy it is for people to babble stuff like that to you. but it is all we can do. ultimately it is you who decides to gather your strength together to pick up the pieces. just remember when you do, we will be helping you to do just that.

i need sleep now.

busy weekend. 2 projects almost down. 1 more project pending. 1 untouched.

i hate cramps. din faint though. good.

time to catch up.
i am going to change; will change; must change.

2 new pimples. one on each side of the cheeks - like mirror images. how cute indeed. my face has a funny way of playing cruel jokes on me.

saw a Sentosa bus - the orange one - parked at the road outside my house. i miss Sentosa.

smu application. paid up but yet to send in supporting documents.

just some random thots. haven been in a blogging mood recently.
happy to say that i have been diverting energy to more decent stuffs.

decent stuffs != happiness

(!=) means not equal if i am not wrong. java terminology.
glad i SU programming cos i seriously knows nuts. oh one more thing..

interests != u shld take the module.
but..
easy module no interest == take the module.

i shld bear that in mind in future.

pardon me if i dun reply u when u msg me, dun initiate conversation when i see you cos this is the time where i just want to be left alone more often than not.


love you all nonetheless.

happy 58 months!

happy 58 months!!!

... 2 months more to go to complete yet another cycle.

happy belated to choonkee, zeke, liangwei and eunice!

some birthdays i sincerely remember but apparently did not remember enough to give these people a message. so sorry, had a crazy week believe me. here are my heartfelt wishings - happy twenty to all:

march 14
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHOONKEE!

march 15
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZEKE!

march 17
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIANGWEI!

march 18
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUNICE!

hope you guys all had a great day.. bless my fellow pisces. =)

crazy week..

some issues to think about:


why do i bring (to school everyday) a pencil case with 1 scissors, 1 pen-knife, 1 thumbdrive, 1 ruler, 1 lead, 1 liquid corrector, 1 stapler, 1 mechanical pencil, 2 erasers, 17 markers/highlighters and 17 pens when i only use 1 or 2 of them in the entire day?

same as why do i have to bring a blardy big bag that looks heavy and IS heavy, with lots of things i thought is essential when i only utilise 20% of wat's inside? and consequently ending the day with aching shoulders?



why is it that i am working my ass off for this certain project when the others (ok.. not all) seems to be too assuming that i will handle all technical aspects and subsequently tie up the loose knots?

while i have other projects where i behave like a parasite, i.e. am still doing my part but not necessary up to the group's pace?

proven: what goes around comes around.



why is it that i have been working so hard this week, or so i think but have yet to kill off one single project?

till date: zero outta four projects down.



why am i still lagging behind from day one for all my 5 modules?

this i know: cos i have been a lousy procastinating idert.

24 hours a day is not enough if i need 8 hours of sleep to call it sufficient.

incoherence.

i am going through an extremely stressed week now.

as promised, i am to catch up with my work from this week onwards.

reality is harsh. deadlines are fast approaching. work not done. tremedous amount of workload waiting for me to clear. 4 projects. many readings. many notes. many tutorials.

headache.

*breathe in. breathe out.*

computing project - to build website on PDA phones, due this friday. anyone who is damn good with website building or knows where i can get nice templates.. lemme know. i m dying.

pardon the incoherent thoughts. pls remind me not to slack and procastinate like this anymore. i need to get away from NUS.

heated.

collin and i always engage in a heated discussion (read: near squabble) whenever i bring up the topic of my academic plans. i feel he don't understand how i feel and read my thinkings as immature and random. it brings me to the verge of frustration when i feel i cannot make him understand my point while he brings out motherhood statements which i feel i obviously know.

then tonight, with a slip of the tongue, i blurt that he prolly hasn't reached this kind of stage where he starts to think about future plans. damn.. i think i pissed him off totally by saying that. despite me apologising and saying i take that statement back, he din flare but insisted to know why i said that, stating it as irrelevant though agreeing that i am prolly frustrated cos he dun see eye to eye to how i feel.

i think i just spoilt the entire maple-syrupy-sweet week we created. urps.

i still love you nonetheless. heh.

i was just hoping you would understand without such lengthy discussions, like you always do for other topics other than this. for now, i shall just restrict such discussions to fellow uni mates - who will perfectly understand.

my last week of indulgence.

haven't been blogging alot recently. collin is back and i am pretty much spending most of my available time with him. just one week of indulgence - i promise. cos thereafter, my battle begins..

battle between sem_two and me.

meanwhile, i shall just enjoy my last weekend. off to sentosa later today~ then shopping and movie at night.

pls do not procastinate anymore after this week.

please.

update.

i am blogging from macdonald, using my laptop! and the connection is free. how cool is that..

had a great shopping spree with collin today. bought myself a NUM bikini (which is darn nice) and a nike toiletries bag. collin got an adidas beach ball, a NUM swimming trunks and a NUM shirt. lalalalala~

(i am all set for this saturday's sentosa stayover in our tent!! hope it doesn't rain. *fings crossed*)

ok.. prolly not much a spree for me. but i don't have much moolahs to spare so... but enjoyed it nonetheless. I LOVE TO SHOP!!!!!

haven been blogging the last few days.. been busy, not with academic stuff sadly. urps.

still, i need some decent sleep. and i need to start studying. and i m tired of saying "i will start studying soon".. cos i have been saying and not doing so for the last one month or so. wtf. hate myself for it.

and i have a computing project due on 18 march which requires us to make a website on our selected topic - PDAs. and gosh.. my group of 4 has procastinated thus far and not done a single shite. but hell, i have been toying with macromedia dreamweaver and despite it's said user friendliness, i have no idea how to use it. fark. i am one dead duck.

school is starting to stress me up. thanks to my procastination. till the extent i dun wanna hear ppl tokking about school. yes.. i am avoiding the present situation. but i gonna pay for it soon.. soon. tsk..

anyway.. i decided to alter the dress. (see below) love it too much to let it go. i just hope the tailor dun screw it up else.. else.. i'll burn down the darn shop. hahaha.

gotta go now.. hope to be back blogging soon. i tink i am gonna be busy busy busy in the weeks to come.

out.

the dress that cause me depression.

this is the yummilicious VS dress i bought online.
but..



THE DRESS DON'T FIT!!!!!!!!
*roll over and cry...*

it is too big. (ivan.. dun try to be funny. he asked: "what is too big?") yes.. the dress is too big. the chest area. the waist area. the hips area. all too big. i wanna die lo.. (ok.. maybe exaggeration.. not over a dress.) but i was really anticipating the arrival of this dress.
dunch ya tink it is sucha pretty thing?

yahoo auctions dun have it in the right size. ebay dun have it at all. i can't even find it on VS official webbie.

i would have feel better if my chest is too large to fit the dress or something but no, that will never happen (sadly) and ok.. it's BESIDE THE POINT. haha. i am contemplating alteration now though it has been eons since i last did any form of alteration since i am an advocate of letting any piece of clothing be in its original form. (dun ask y.. i just like it lidat.)

ok.. i sound like a materialistic whiny brat/bitch right now. but i am depressed.

anyone wanna sponsor me (and xiang too if you are so generous) to U.S. to shop in real VS and abercrombie stores???



how i wish.

haha. ok. instead of waiting for a rich handsome young dude or sugar daddy to pick me up, i shall work hard for my shopping trips to come. xiang, we can do it!!!

now.. to my computing project. sigh.

cant sleep.

i am sleepy.

i should go and sleep. but i tink i am seriously addicted to the internet. i don't feel right if i don't surf enough, check all my emails, read my staple blogs, see who is on MSN (though i don't wanna tok to anyone).. this is pathetic and a waste of time.

nonetheless, heck! since i am awake already. so let me pen a lil thots here..

collin's temporary absence has served me good so far.. cos it gives me ample time for me and myself only. i have spent a great deal of time thinking about my last 20 years lately. undeniably, reaching the big TWO must have been a contributing factor to my sudden influx of thoughts and unexpected stirs of emotions.

i think my emotional life is falling into place. not that it had been very hectic though.. but perhaps prior these 2 weeks, i hadn't been thinking much about where life is taking me to. hadn't been pondering over recent events. constantly having the just-let-things-be attitude. i feel so much more in control of my life and feelings now than ever before and there are some thoughts i hope i don't lose in all that hustle and bustle.

now.. it's time to catch up on academic life.

and yea.. definitely my love life too. collin is coming back in 2 days time. finally, my love.






i have alot of thots in my head. some too jumbled. some too private. some too unimportant. must be the night. peace. serenity. zZzZzZz. (sleeps)

my lil secrets.

then you realise there is some things you can only keep to yourself and tell no others..

even if you did, those ppl you tell will never understand what it really means to you.

i am happy with status quo.

oops.. i screwed up again.

oops.. i screwed up again.



fark.

life is still GOOD!

if i have been sounding negative lately.. sorry. i din mean to.

'cos i am still very much happy with my life.

things may be screwed now.. lagging like shit in uni, confusion over choosing nus arts or smu biz, protective parents, bad complexion, untone bod, some frens you dun understand, not enough money to shop, messy room, etc etc.

but if you look at it, it is all nitty gritty things of life. but too many a times, we are so immersed in our immediate environment we fail to see the bigger picture.

for me, the bigger picture is to ensure i am happy.

i get stress up with school stuff. fine.. i shan't study, shan't hand up my work and procastinate projects. academically, i may suffer but the key is at least i am happy.

people may tink i have mixed up priorties, coincidentally these people are the ones who think studying is our priorty. but to me, my priority is very clear and it's those people who ain't seeing the bigger picture. unless studying like a dog makes them happy.. so be it.

i think it is ultimately what you want out of life. the most pressing problems now (like catching up with my studies.. sigh) does not necessary equate to the important issues of LIFE. it's a different ball game altogether.

let me refresh your memory with wat mr gui said,

"just relax. what's the worst that can happen?" =)

digression:
perhaps strange but i really like mr gui's apparent cheery and carefree disposition though i don't know him well. mr gui is my last sem's icm tutor and lecturer. too bad he left nus to further his studies already.
and oh!!! collin just called me after surviving his 09 days in brunei jungles and he got his JCC badge already. *so proud of him*

determined?

where is my determination to change?

sigh.

my life is like..

i have been thinking quite alot about life lately.

and i think my life lacks adventure and romance.

what i have? stability and more stability.

i wish..
- i can go somewhere, outta singapore, without any members of my family.
- i have the courage to stop school for a sem or two and just do what i wanna do.
- my parents will stop being protective and i can do as i wish.
- i am not so much of a sucker for stability.

i met ting after school today for dinner. she is determined to go germany after she graduate, undaunted by the possible risks and problems we all have in mind for her. i guess we are all worried, visualising the possible worse scenarios but i still would support her decision if she really wanted to go. if that is what she wants. if that makes her happy. if with that, she will find her purpose in life, which i think is crucial for all of us. just be safe. and happy.

i admire her determination. just as i admire people who would drop out of school for a while to "catch their breathe". and also those who would plan alternative routes to go somewhere else to study and not follow blindly the sg system - pri -> sec -> jc -> sg uni *yawnx*. also those who would fly off to some other countries without telling their family members.

something unlikely of me. something uncertain. exciting. adventurous. risky.

for the 1st time in my life, i sincerely wanted to be someone different. not that i don't love the person i am now, just that i know i don't wanna go on for the rest of my life being a stable person no less.

i gonna start rethinking my life..

pui. stupid roll-eyes.

stupid ROLL-EYES.

i just met the project mate from hell. the one who always give the i-wanna-get-outta-here look. the one who always behave like she is doing all the job - as if we are giving her all the dirty jobs - as if we ain't trying to do our part. the one who doesn't even smile despite the rest of us being the most friendly and pleasant people around (or maybe not, especially to you).

i dunno wats the prob with you. then again, i dun wanna know. i have been tolerant and nice enough.

stop rolling your eyes. quit banging your fingers on the table. stop marking sarcastic remarks like we are idiots who won't detect your every hint of spitefulness.

i will make my part work, i swear. so that i can smack it in your face and not see those goosey rolling eyes and not hear the shit that's coming outta your mouth.

YOU JABRONI PIECE OF MONKEY CRAP

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woa.. now i feel better.


ps: this entry is in shit green. tribute to her. which i am kind already since green is a very nice colour.

collin's coming back.

i am happy.

'cos today marks the start of MARCH, which means collin will be back in no time.

lalalalalalala~

and yea, i finally decided to S/U my programming module after much advice from Zonghan.
many plenty thankies!!!

wat option do i have when i scored 11/20 for my last test and i did not submit 2 assignments which will be counted to my overall?
tell me i screwed my sem.two again..

lalalalalalala~

but i am still happy.