i need to know if life exists outside books!

my heart skips a beat each time the clock strikes 12am. another day went past without me studying.. or doing anything productive as a matter of fact. not that i din try but each time i lay out my books nicely before me. the EXAM BUG hits me and i go to sleep!! i need to study.. and i need sleep. these 2 things just dun go together. bug off!!

i have to get my engine started and things rolling.. hopefully, they roll into place. argh.. maybe i shld just hide my laptop and forget where it is.. cos its one MAJOR distraction. blog>check email>check frenster>check ppl's blogs>surf net>check my own blog again! tremedously time consuming indeed. i need HELP! *ALERT!!*

anyway, you may have notice my fonts are bigger now. yesh.. for benefits of meiqi and weilin who complains my fonts are too small. argh.. i miss my small fonts. but nvm. haha.. i m very considerate. so there you are..

nothing much's happening lately. basically just floating ard NUS.. lamenting the fact that i m not studying YET (note: yet! but i will.. wells..) and not doing enuf to break out of this vicious cycle. this sucks..

no wait.. in fact i shld go study now!! ok.. i m off. tata..

Life. A mystery.

I told fang I'll probably not blog today. But here I am.. There's always something to talk about. True!?

this thot occur to me a few days back. bit weird kind of thinking perhaps. but i wonder..

is it that the world consist of a fixed percentage of HAPPINESS?
that each time somebody is happy. someone else must be sad/angry/disappointed.
meaning we are always happy at the expense of others.
if not, then why is it that when you are happy, you look around and see ppl suffering, and not cheering with you?
or why is it that when you are sad, you look around and see ppl all bright and happy, and not able to understand your pain?

is it that before each of us arrives in this world, we are blessed with a fixed percentage of GOODNESS?
that if you are good looking/rich, you may have sucky character.
that if you are average looking/poor, you may have superb character.
does god give you a chart and ask you to choose (provided you have been good in ur previous life) if for this life, you wanna be rich but character-flawed? good looking but physically impaired? fantastic character but dumb? poor but charismatic? fat but eloquent? stuttering but loved?
we then come into these world, accepting who we are.
but then again, why is there some ppl who fit snudgely into the meaning of perfection?
or perhaps god is fair.. seemingly perfect ppl have their imperfections too. only less obvious to the public eye.. which is a sadder thing isn't it?

life is such a mystery.

remember your PAST..

cos that's what makes you who you are today.

but dun live in your past..

cos you may unwittedly lose TODAY.

you may not know what will happen TOMORROW.

but live today to your fullest..

cos it could jolly well be the most impt day of..

.your life.

-- min (concocted from various sources and made my own.)

(incomplete) UG meet up!!

i din attend econs lecture today (again)! it wasnt deliberate. i just din wake up on time. in fact i wanted to go. but well.. heck. wat the hell.. i dun care anymore. icm tutorial (yesh.. i went school for that 1 hr of tutorial only again!).. not many ppl turn up again. which leads me to think, are ppl not coming because of the stupid grades we all had for the mid term (10/30 was the passing mark. unbelieveable!) or they could all be possibly mugging at home and decided that that 1 mark for attendance isnt that big a deal anymore? i dunno.. heck with all these rubbish. i just wanna get it over and done with. doesnt anyone get it?

sense my frustration here..? i am. lets move to happier things..


*ting, meiqi, fang, meng, me!*

i met up fang, meiqi, ting and meng today @ starbucks tampines. had a great time with them!! oh..
hello meiqi.. i know you are reading this. since you thot my fonts are too small, how do you like this? wahaha. i know you are memorising every line now. so that you can repeat everything, word by word the next time we meet. you stalker!! haha.
at this very moment, i'm aso tokking to meiqi on MSN and she just said..

(*) your smile =) says:
hope u din describe me as some stalker ar

er.. i just did. and no.. i will not erase it. ok.. i hate the huge fonts. pls be nice and make do with my small fonts.

i promise meiqi to write an entry directed at her only since she is such an avid fan of my blog. or in ting's words.. we have "no life." well.. heck it. i dun rmbr how i 1st met mq. but she would tell me its during our 1st band fall in and i was the enthu kia who goes around smiling brightly to her and basically everyone. you make me sound retarded. ok.. i admit i m (at times). haha. our frenship blossom when we formed a group called UG. yesh.. it stands for Universal Gang. *dun luff* its pretty cool (then). haha. i shant go into the details of this wonderful 'organisation'. its in essence, a group of happening babes. (since this is my blog and nobody can say anything.. yes.. we are a group of happening babes. wahaha.) during sec 3, when m2m (the grp of 2 gals with candy voices) was at their peak, mq and i decided to form a group called MQM - MeiQiMin. get it? wahaha. you can aso read it as pretty qimin. wahaha. i m narcisstic. ok.. its actually MeiQi+QiMin --> yes.. its the 2 of us with sandy voices who never ever get past the 1st line "mirror mirror hanging on the wall.." well.. back then, she din use to take any sort of pictures with us, only ocassionally did she grace some of our neoprints shots. but look at her now!! we took 53 photos today and 31 photos have her face on it. wahaha. thanks for plastering the photos with your face.


meiqi!

oh.. not to forget we are also proud members of the QQ club cos we have hair that curls naturally and irritatingly (at times) and we successfully resisted the REBONDING craze that strikes many ppl mad in year 2000. yes..! survivors of disasterous hair fashion trends!!!

so you rough have an idea what kind of person Meiqi is by now. ok.. lemme just sum up.. she's a nice gal. no.. she din pay me to say this. UG are not just made up of happening babes. but nice babes too.. haha. i m so crap.

not forgetting my significant others..

ting: my lower sec classmates turn soulmates. my crazy kaki in UG. my fellow muskies with leisha. adventure mate. hot babe.


tingli and me!

fang: my 1st fren in TKSS. great story behind how we met. guess we're fated to meet. and i thank god for that. tallest babe in UG. forever skinny.

fang!

meng: fang's boyfren. our UG's best fren. my 'kor'. nice dude. and we all love his car. dun we? haha.

fang and meng! (this pic is so sweet.)

geo: din meet us today cos she's working. so sad. haven seen her for the longest time. my best horn mate when it comes to playing "The Rose". the one who loves VCD and self-pampering.

there's a great story behind how we got to noe each other. but if i were to recount the story one by one.. i can go on forever forever forever. tada! these are my bestest mates in secondary school.

gotta end here. still gotta meet fang tmr at airport. and possibly lunch with mq since she's working there for now. sleepy. *yawn* keep smiling. life goes on..

acting dumb again!

a nice shot to end this entry! (artistic angle by meng.)

photos: sentosa!!

@ palawan beach


he's such a darling, isn't he? (the cute boy to our left)


bread dipped in nutella.. hmm.. this is so good.


disbelief! doing some readings while collin takes his nap.


what!?


me.


collin.


nice.. =)


after 13 tries.. we finally succeeded on the 14th!!


going home. all smiles. this is so great!!

island life i lurrve it!!

so i went to SENTOSA with *collin* today!! totally chilled. haven been relaxing the way i did today for a long long time. i'm deadbeat. but happy. indeed.

the day started out well. probably a sign that suggest how GREAT the rest of the day is going to be! happiness: saw dorkie at harbourfront mrt. i am so so so happy to see her. my darling neh neh pok. urps. haha.. i miss you!! ah... still look so fine. jealous of your long thin leggies!! we decided to make peace and start loving each other again. nvm bout zander.. wahaha. yes dorkie.. i'll be your big NNP forever. too bad i din get to see her at the beach cos i forgot to snap a pic of the two of us. nvm.. we'll meet up soon when all these shitty stuffs are over! big muakx..

after buying some snacks at cold storage and lunching at the food centre, we happily hop onto the shuttle bus to SENTOSA!! where i was caught off guard, freaked out and slightly embarassed. but this is darn funny. entering the gates into the bus terminal area..
clown 1 directed me to the left with a honk.
clown 2 scanned me front and back, the way security officers at say, airport, does to find the metal pieces on you. only to realise its all for show. i turn back and realise he's 'scanning' me with some red plastic toy. wat the..
clown 3 was standing on his hands. at 1st sight.. i thot its so fascinating. only to realise its fake too! saw the shape of his head sticking out of the supposedly butt portion. meaning the costume makes him seems like he is standing on his hands but he's on his feet actually. thats a good one.
just when i was feeling amused with all these funny ppl i met in this short span of time, this green tall thing fell onto me.. ok.. it pretended to fall onto me. gosh.. at this point, i let out a loud 'yep!' and ppl ard me started laughing. yeah.. laughing at me. i dun care.. whats this green thing!!! turn out to be a guy on stilts and dressed in greenish camou fabic. he was leaning on the pillar and to near prefection, camouflaged into the surroundings. attacking unsuspecting, innocent visitors like me! haha. stood around for a while and watch him scare others.. this time, me laughing at ppl's funny reactions. heh.

we went to siloso beach 1st. not many ppl ard. possibly due to exams period. and the weather isnt fantastic either. its cloudy the whole day, slight dizzling at times. heaven is kind enuf not to have a downpour. =) interestingly, chao guohui and another female artiste were there filming. the last time i was at siloso, i saw vincent ng and jamie teo doing some show too. haha. anyway, we dun seems to fit in anywhere at siloso. so on foot, we headed to palawan.

ah.. great!! palawan beach seems to have more life!!! we found a perfect spot where to the left, we see 2 cute puppies and 1 adorable lil boy (i took pics of him!! will upload soon. he's so cute!!) and to the right, one damn beautiful golden retriever. i wan a dog!! *sob* but my mum hates it. digression. but anyway..

the rest of the day was mostly slack. play frisbee. gorge on nutella and bread + other assorted snacks we bought from cold storage. swimming (the waves are strong today. fun!!). collin happily took a nap midway. beside him, i tried to do some icm readings while he's catching some winks. unbelieveable ya!? haha.. i manage to do 4 pages. haha. better than nuts. heh. pure relaxation. yeah.. this is the way life shld be. we are too consumeristic, too capitalise, to rationalise.. so much so we often forget to relax!! going to the beach is my instant perk up. listening to waves as they lap up the shores. the feel of sand as you wiggle your toes. breeze in your hair. thats like a piece of heaven for me.. the company i had (yes.. you!) just completes the whole picture. *smile*

snap a hell lot of pictures today. my favourite is possibly the one where me and collin attempt to take a shot of us both in mid air. with the help of the 10 SECs TIMER only. haha.. it was a challenge!! we took 14 shots before we succeeded at getting it right. wahaha. imagine how many times we jump and jump and jump and jump and jump and JUMP. haha.. but its worth it. the pic looks great!! haha..

island life i lurrve it!! i will upload the pics soon.
there is so much more to life.. so much more.. to be alive, is such a great thing.

time is a big factor.

i'm in school now.. alone in the computer lab. another 1 hour and 45 min to kill before my EL tutorial. have yet to do my tutorial homework. this sucks..

i miss my frenz. all of ya. i wanna meet you ppl. i wanna crap, laugh and talk to you all. like time is not a factor. but it is, at least for now. promise to meet up after my exams are over.. i might be working then but i'll fork out time. *cross my heart*

i think i just hurt someone. i din mean it. i din hide anything. i din noe. i hate to feel i make someone's live miserable without even doing anything.

this is a crappy entry. life is crap now. i feel guilt whenever i dun utilise my time properly. (which is like all the time!) never has time been such a big factor. but i'll make the most out of this crazy period. cos no one but ME! is in control of how i lead my life.
yes.. huiling.. must be optimistic. whats the worse that can happen? heh.. ya a strong gal. you can do it!!

There can be miracles when you believe.

Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill.

Who knows what miracles you can achieve.

When you believe?

Somehow you will,

You will when you believe.

happy slack day!!

today is a happy slack day!! as i mention previously, collin having his bloc leave this week. met him after school today and went for a lil shopping trip ard town!!! SHOPPING!!! dun we all love this word.. i love shopping. retail therapy. bliss..

HAPPY 1
i met JASMYN by chance today at topshop, wisma. gosh.. i m so happy to see her. its like reconciling abit of my past! i miss her (and my bunch of 26/02 peepx) so much. barely step into topshop woman, then at the corner of my eye caught this girl with this ultra short skirt. *HOT BABE ALERT* and then i realise (after 2 secs?), its jas!!! gosh.. she looks slightly different. i dunno where/why. just different.. happily shopping at topshop, without ME!!?? so she bought this yummy green (i love yummy green.) tshirt from topshop before heading towards lido isetan. walk ard for a while then she went off to meet her mum and sis. quality time spent. i wanna see more of you, you, you, you, you and the rest!! big hugx.

HAPPY 2
i declare myself in a state of bankruptcy. i havent been doing any REAL shopping for the past 2 mths?? gosh.. this is so sad. until i spotted this skirt today!!! i had to buy it.. actually its ok only la.. but the fact is that its not just a skirt.. its a ABERCROMBIE!!! i have seen this skirt ard for quite some time, but it was the pink version. pink? tad too sweet for me. but this is BRROOWN!! i love brown. i love green. i love turquoise too. actually, i love lotsa colours. ok.. i m digressing. like i said, i'm in a state of bankruptcy and i cant spend my reserve funds. (no reason y. i just dun wan to. period.) so had collin to pay for me 1st, and i'll return him next mth when my pittance comes in. (i m always spending future money. sigh.) at least i m a proud owner of a new BROWN ABERCROMBIE skirt. wahaha. retail therapy works!! la la la la la..
just in case you are quick to assume i m always spending my bf's $$. i dun! i'm pretty independent. gal power.. yeah. though collin do pay a relatively larger amt for our entertainment and food..which i appreciate much. (thank you. muak.) this is one aspect when i loosen up a lil on my feminism and let guys do their macho thingy. thats equality isnt it? no..? .. oops.

so now.. i m home. bloated from the cup cake from crystal jade bakery (taka), wanton mee from amoy food centre(recommended to all!), ah-balling and XXL chicken from the food centre below army mkt (what is it called, again?).. *burp* excuse me. with my EL tutorial undone. i m going to do now.. dun wanna look like a stone in class tmr. weekends are here again!!!
i'm going to the beach on saturday!! "island life, i love it!!" so happy!! i noe i m slacking again. just give me a break. then i noe you are going to say i already had many plenty. ok.. the last one, before i start working hard. heh.. *cross my heart*

btw.. i am 5 min early for my SC tutorial today!! so proud of myself. *brimming with pride* see.. i can do it! and i love my SC tutor. she is so nice. she din flunk anyone for our mid term essay, even the one who wrote 4-6 lines. haven gotten it back yet but that piece of news is comforting enuf. whez.. outta here.

just another day.. boring.

school starts at 2pm today. i woke up at 10am and still end up 10 minutes late for lessons.
i told ya.. my time mgmt is problematic. i could have been on time if i had not waste 15 minutes packing and unpacking my bag wondering why it is still so heavy. i already kept in mind the golden rule:

"pack in the essentials!"

it apparently didn't work for me. haha. everything seems vital to bring. i hate it when i need something and its not there. that explains why my bag is always so damn freaking heavy.

*note: this has nothing to do with why i always bring BIG bags around. i love big bags!!!! just throw everything in. yay~! then again, there seems to be a correlation. liking big bags means i have the tendency to put more things into it. er.. or is it becos i bring too many things ard, thats y i need, then grew to like big bags? argh.. its a chicken and egg thingy again. (which comes 1st? chicken or egg?) bear with the crap..

today is pretty much "just another day". life is getting monotonous. someone SPICE UP my LIFE? i've been wanting to meet my frens (ug, 26/02, shtm peepx) but everyone's just so busy, including myself. everyone's telling me school sux, projects sux, tests sux.. indeed they do. cos they clogged up our schedules so much, everyone's not free. jiayou ba, everyone!!

in GTP, mr jae chia's words, "there can be miracles, when you believe." i am hoping for one now.. how i miss JC days. though i used to dread it.. like hell. really lurrrve 26/02.. the class rocks the whole of (the otherwise dead!) AJC alive. haha.. exaggeration. truefully, this bunch of ppl is one of the best things that happen to me. big hugx..

my SC tutorial class starts at 10am tmr. for the past 3 tutorials, not once(!!) have i been on time. pledge to be punctual tmr.. *crossed my fings* update you ppl tmr.. heh. =)
*note: my blog's sounding sadder and sadder by the day. tink so? haha.. but life is still good. keep smiling!

stay home tues..

stay home tuesday! basically another slacking-my-life-away day for me..

downloaded Ares today!!! and i love it!! so Kazaa is outta my life for good. credits to Lynn, who recommended Ares to me. lemme share with ya the advantages of Ares:

1. it's faster.
2. it's simple and functional.
3. it has minimal advertising.
4. there is a higher possibility for finding what you want (than Kazaa).
5. you dun have to bear with the "Kazaa is now LEGAL!" crap.
6. ok.. it's just another pirated machine. but i like it.. ;)

i wonder.. why Pepper and Ginger (my 2 puddings) haven been giving birth the past 2 months. its a good thing.. really. save me the hassle of finding ppl to adopt the babies. but then again, its weird!! cos hammies, or least my past hammies, have this irritating hobby of giving birth every month. maybe i have super intelligent hammies.. who exercise BIRTH CONTROL or who deliberately act agst PM Lee's call for procreation. haha.. ok.. the latter's crap. but really.. this is not normal. probably Ginger is too fat and my darling Pepper is turn off. heh..

ok.. i'm tired so i'm making this short.

happy that collin will be having his bloc leave from tmr to sunday. 5 solid days of demilitarised and slacking days!! hope i study during this period though. i got mixed-up priorities and am lack of self-discipline. (self what? huh?) i'm hopeless.. suicide (again!).


i need a simpler life. rolling waves.. breeze in your hair.. picturesque scenery.. truly bliss.

couples' quarrelling day.. sad thing.

i deliberately pon my econs lect today. i feel kinda bad. but i dun see how i'll benefit from the session anyway. and probably end up chatting away, like i did the last 2 lectures. which is a waste of time..

so went school just to attend a pathetic one hour of ICM tutorial. well.. suddenly, ppl (esp. the guys today) are getting very enthu in class today. for obvious reasons.. its our last 3 tutorials to go. have to tok tok tok to get ur participation marks. i better start preparing my tutorials and be a enthu kia the next 2 tutorials since i fare so badly for my ICM test. wahaha.. suicide.

saw 2 couples quarrelling today. one at the central library and another one the way home. sad thing.

the one at central library. i was sitting there. half asleep. trying to keep my eyes open and read my icm readings (which makes fantastic lullaby.) when this couple took the table on my left. their whisper are deafening in a dead quiet environment like the central lib. they woke me up.. being the inquisitive me, i listen to their conversation. i cant help it.. heh. anyway, not me to blame if they are that audible. i tink they broke off in the end. the guy keeps blabbing which irritates me. and the gal was sobbing. watever the gal says, the guy has a counter argument. which irritates me further. at least they woke me up.. well..

then on my way home, was on the mrt. in front of me.. was 3 couples. only one of them hugging each other. up to this point, you'll probably conclude they are the most loving couple. until the supposedly sweet couple and i got off the train at the same stop. they were walking in front of me.. then suddenly the guy walked very fast ahead, with the gal lagging behind. the guy recklessly crossed the road. and the gal followed suit, running. then the irritating guy crossed over to the same side of the road again. the gal chased after him. all this while, the pedestrain crossing still flashed red. so dangerous. the guy didnt care and just crossed. with the poor gal chasing behind him. whats the prob, man? in any case, thats something so ungentlemanly to do. where's the lovey dovey couple i saw just now? interesting..

my conclusion is that both guys are at fault. the 1st guy for blabbering too much and the 2nd one who doesnt care if the gf gets knock down by some car. even if the gal is at fault.. thats no way to treat a gal. morons.. beta send them packing to dating etiquette classes. learn to treat a woman right!

everything on my doodle is gone. darn.. sad thing. ppl.. talk to me.. make my doodle board full again. yesh.. sindy. yesh.. mei. i'll blog. haha. take care all of you guys out there. school sucks.. such is life. not for long.. awaiting 27 nov 2004. den its time for me to shop, talk, blog and have all the fun in the world. yes.. =)

people of my life..

my 2nd blog of today.. i just need to sort out my thots, shout out my feelings!! bear with me.. decided to come up with a list of some of the most prominent ppl in my life so far:

collin
of cos.. my bf of 4 years and 5 months. thanks for coming into my life. i tink we rock as a couple and even beginning to look more and more like each other. no need to say much bout you.. cos thats what love's about. beyond words. i love you.

mei, zhen and bi
i'm so glad we are family and frens all together. you guys mean alot to me. its great to noe i've been you guys since age zero. we will all continue to grow and mature, but hope nothing can ever come in between to break us. nothing will.. i love you gals. and we all noe we'll be behind giving support whatever one of us chooses to do. yup.

UG+Mengsoon
yup.. our famous universal gang+meng. everyone's so busy with their lives now.. we hardly meet up. i beginning to even lose touch with whats happening in your life. but its ok.. cos i noe the next time when we do meet up, we'll be the same old us. miss the bitching, the crapping, the "buckling up". heh.. you guys rocks. and i love you too.. (for meng.. brotherly love. haha.)

26/02 gals
gosh.. the coolest bunch of ppl ever. i miss you babes.. (yesh.. including weilin. wei~) thanks to sindy for always trying to organise outings though it never materialise.. blame it on clashing schedules and stupid tests/projects. but we'll meet up soon. i noe you guys are damn stress up in ur respective uni. but hang on there.. till we meet up again.. then we can all mass curse SG education system. i love you all..

Starhub tampines
selectively dorkie, xiang xiang, yiyi, angie, mich, jonas and nommie. you guys are the best. having a hard time trying to meet up too. gosh.. wats with schooling, man. i'm so glad you guys took me in as one of ya.. and brighten up my hubbing days!! that was the best job ever.. minus stupid customers (then again, stupid customers sounds great now too!!!). miss the tamil dance with lynn and jonas! miss photocopying recipes with xiang! miss having phamplet competition with all of you guys! and miss the nasi lemak days! gosh.. i miss you ppl. and of cos.. i love you too!!!


this list is so inexhaustive..

TkBand: esp. french horn section and Mr Siao. you guys played a big part to who i am today.
Croemis dudes: gosh.. glad i have you ppl in NUS. or else.. i tink i'll never survive this crap. special thanks to jacqueline for bringing me into the OG! thank you thank you.
26/02 guys: i still haven got over the fact you guys actually gave us roses and the funny whale keychains on the last day of school. you brighten up life in 26/02 indeed.. each and everyone.

ok.. i tink its impossible to put a list for such things.. slowly realise, everyone is just as impt (including bitches and bastards) cos everyone contributes a little to who i am today. (which is impt. cos i'm narcissitic and love myself.) perhaps.. the above ppl are those who played a larger role. and i appreciate that. indeed. for those i miss out (which i tink is alot!!), pardon me!! you guys do matter ok!! some things remain better unspoken. heh.. crap. but seriously, with this entry.. i realise life isnt that bad afterall. i'm so rich.. if wealth is measured in terms of frenship. love you ppl.. and take care. i'll catch ya ard soon. =)

life.. bah!

sorry i havent been blogging recently. life has been hell.. yesh.. living hell.
until today!!! took my last mid term test today. officially the end of all my mid term tests and project deadlines. *phew* for the past month, i went thru 5 mid term tests and 3 project deadlines. life was crazy then. the results: O_O --> panda me.
i seems the only one thats happy!! after the EL test today. everyone looks so worried/shagged. nope.. not becos i'm confident of doing well. but becos its a huge burden finally taken off my back. life has been too fast previously. i'm stressed out totally. deprived of quality sleep (cos i keep waking up in the middle of night trying to do some work, only to fall asleep again. and this repeats itself up to 10 times every night. end up doing next to nothing and bad quality sleep.)

i need a simpler life than this!! no one told me life in uni will be easy.. but no one told me it will be this hard either. (wait.. actually someone did tell me that life in uni will be easy, the exact words they told me when i'm doing my As: "must jiayou.. last lap le. after that, go uni then good life already!" yeah rite.. maybe they are just trying to paint an optimistic view. over optimistic, in my opinion.)
i admire ppl who could walk out if they feel that this isnt what they want out of life.. like stopping school and coming back when you feel like it. my aim is always to get into NTU comms studies. was thinking of reapplying next year.. see if they'll take me or even give me a chance to be interviewed. but then again, what about NUS? isnt that wasting one year of my life, getting all bogged down for nuts? i couldn't do it. hell.. most imptly, with my fucking grades, they will probably not even take a glimpse of my application. (pardon the vulgarities.. this is normally a very 'clean' blog but i need to let it OUT!!!) so probably i should just save the $15, the application fee, and continue life at NUS FASS, whether i like it or not.

sometimes, i wish i could give more to my family and frens. but somehow.. i just couldnt be there as much as i want to. i dunno what i'm busy with.. my time management sucks. time passes without me noeing how it was spent. i feel sad when i realise i am not there for my loved ones when they needed someone to be there.. maybe i suck as a fren. somebody kill me.. but i care. i do. i feel misunderstood. misinterpreted. but perhaps.. thats the complexities of life. trapped. empty. hollow.

but i must remain optimistic. be more cheerful. if not for myself, for those ard me. life itself is hard already. then again, maybe i shld keep in mind mr gui's words: "whats the worst that can happen!?" heh.. this quote pushes me on at times.life can be hopeful.. if we choose to view it from another perspective.

lotsa of stuff happen from the last time i blog till now.. i may come back you fill you up with backdated entries. if i feel like it..

celebration!! i'm back!!

yup.. today is a happy happy day.

y?

cos i finally found my I/C and my matriculation card.

i started this blog on 140904.. in that entry, stated i can't find my IC. and gosh!! after almost one mth later, i found it!! whew~

lemme recount back how i 1st realise i lose it and how i found it (today!!). heh..

1) i was at the national library, orchard with collin and he wanted to loan a book. horrors to horrors, i couldnt find IC to loan the book. so he went on to use his 11b to borrow. leaving me wondering where the heck my IC is. hmm.. where!?
2) after my sociology mid term test.. we had to flash our matric card to prove our identity (for whatsoever reason la.) and presence. hell.. now where is my matric card??? WHERE???? flashed my ez link card. they accepted. thank goodness i applied for the card.

now i have 2 mysteries. unsolved. tried searching at every nook and cranny. look thru all pockets of my jeans, pants, skirts and shorts. cant find!! *aggravated/pissed*

ok.. back to today!

i woke up this morning.. and began thinking (again!!) where my IC/matric card is. went off to the shower. meanwhile, my sis is finally packing her bed. its like cluttered with so many things, occupying more than half of her bed.

in the bathroom..
(thinking) i shld go to the police soon.. to make a report for my lost IC. pay them $50 to make me another. take a nicer photo this time round. thinking of the possible qns they'll ask..

police: when did you lose ur IC?
me: last mth? (heh..)
police: why now then report? you noe what can happen if bad ppl get hold of your IC!!!
me: my sixth sense tells me its somewhere in the hse. but i just cant find it.. so yup.. -_-"
police: *nag* *nag* *nag* *nag* *nag* *nag* *nag*

haha. ok.. so when i came out of my shower.. and enter the room and saw my IC, matric card and my Popular student card lying on my cabinet!!

(look at sis)
me (looking surprised): where did you find this!?
sis: i dunno.. its on my bed.
me: ooh.. thank you thank you. i was going to report loss next week le. thank you!! yeah..
sis: ...

it was on her bed. no wonder i cant find it. cos its probably buried by her LV bags, clothes (stale and washed), shopping bags, some unopened snacks.. etc. but gratitude!! thank you many plenty.

so now i can save that $50. stop thinking what to say to the police-man/-woman and to the admin clerk in NUS. pleasant surprise.. i found my Popular student card too.. din even realise i lose it. haha.. insignificant. heh..

ok.. so that brightened up my monday!! though school still sucks today. the econs lect is still as bad. my icm tut was alright, only that i din do the readings but i escaped from being called to answer any qn. mainly cos mr gui isnt ard today. sick leave. poor thing. =( must be the exam scripts driving him mad. heh.. but the relief teacher is good. toks very fast. but very relevant. nice.

wore my yellow Topshop top (the V-neck one. yup.) to school today and i'll never wear it to school ever again. its like forever expanding.. becoming more and more low cut by the day (stupid ah peh trying to peek-a-boo at the mrt). it keeps sliding down my shoulders and makes me look like i'm on the verge of stripping. all in all, it sucks. argh..

gotta end. quite a long entry. a happy one.. cos i got back my 'identity'. heh.. ciao to all. life is good again!

ssa1201 project day!!

today is a slpy day.
basically just float around the whole arts faculty feeling i can slp anytime. anywhere. sitting. standing. urps. must be all that lack of slp the week before. all accumulating and its breaking me.

i realise i dun really like wednesday alot. its like 2 lectures in a row and furthermore, modules i dun really enjoy. 1st, SSA1201 - singapore society. 2nd, SC1101E - intro to sociology. actually.. i tink its becos i nv ever try to do the readings. nv try to understand what i'm studying. but they just turn me off.. both readings and textbook make fantastic lullaby. i can sleep even before completing the 1st sentence. its that bad.. but i'll try to invoke the interest. read the readings. try to be interested, if not act interested, in what they are tokking about. though i think they just tink too much..

my fave module is probably econs now. cos like i said to many frens,
"econs is the one module [that i'm taking so far] that says that if something is like this, it is like this. unlike the others that go, if something is like this, then again its not really like this."
argh.. confusing? heh.. thats precisely how i feel. i guess i'm not really a very arts person. neither a science person. and since no business school wanna take me. i'm trying to be all artsy farty now.. gosh.

highlight of today is my SSA1201 project.
ruth did something that touched me today. heh.. i was calling her asking her where to meet and mention that i was hungry. she surprise me with a bag of chocolate cookies.. specially for moi. (i was still gorging on the tuna sandwich i bought from the Deck then when she gave it to me.) thats so sweet!! really!! i dun recall the last time someone did that for me, except for collin of cos. rekindles the touch of frenship.. in a way. *smile smile*
anyway, for the project, we kinda take a leap forward today. at least we pieced everything out into a Word file. though it doesnt really flow. some redundant points here and there. ruth roped in her fren, wayne's (*grin*) help, affectionately called TDP (pronounces T-Dip). some super intelligent-cum-knowledgeable-cum-helpful!! guy.. hmm.. thank you many plenty!!
we ended the meeting at 9:30pm with horrid laughters from me and ruth mainly cos of the "heh. bah. wah." thingy. and ruth was renamed 'hei bee hya' this very nite at the bus stop opposite central library. dun get it? nvm.. pte jokes btwn my 'chocolata yaya' project group.
good luck to all with the project. cross my fings and hope kiong extends the dateline. *praying hard*

last project to go.. all the way man!! gotta slp. poof! zZzZzZz..

yakking yakking yakking!

life has been a bliss recently. love life, frenship, family life and maybe school.. all seemingly going fine. looking good. bliss. hope it stays that way cos i'm happy!!

recently, been engaging in very nice toks with ppl..

on sunday, went to SG Post Coffee Bean to study with my dear cousins, ah mei and tin tin, cos its their exam period. clement was there for a while before he went to church. its was nice!!! we tok alot and also did some productive work. at least, i finished half of my icm tutorial.. which i'm very proud of. its like my 2nd time doing icm hw?! heh.. after that, we went off for dinner at LJS (yup.. the one who sells pathetically small chicken pieces. did i say chicken? thot there are selling chicks instead. heh.. so mean. i still love LJS but the chix pieces is really pathetically small. all agree?) then settled outside Mc and had a long tok with them. its always nice tokking to them. nice to noe that whatever u said, you wont be judged. afterall we have been frens for 19 yrs. heh.. the good ol' days of running ard in our panties only. running to playground and attempt to set it on fire one fine lantern festival. (no la.. we are just trying to have a camp fire really.)

ytd.. school was fine. except that i realise i really hate attending the econs lect. now that the guy lecturer is so much worse that the female one. many more ppl left midway this lect. he cldn't get our attention and there's lotsa of chit chatting ard, which i actively contributed for sure. tok to jacqueline thru the whole lect. nice nice!! relive the days of TK.. we can really tok alot.. and i enjoyed it. ivan was sitting beside jac, drawing on his lecture notes, looks like some tattoo prints. look.. how boring the lect is indeed.
icm tut went past and i kinda understand most of what was discussed. naturally cos i finished 90% of the 2 readings for once!! heh.. *applause*
after lunch with ivan and lynn, went off to meet ruth for our SSA1201 project.. yup.. the one on chocolate. we kinda found our direction le. which is good!! but me and ruth spent most of our time tokking bout anything, other than project. heh.. and in ruth, i finally found someone who can relate to my liking for guys with angular jaws!! cool.. another person i enjoy tokking to sincerely.

gotta end here. had to go prepare meet ruth and das for the project at city hall. hope we get more things done today!! haha.

life is good. stay that way.. =)

tired. sleepy. but happy.

saturday
my day started at 6am today. awaken by my biological clock. thank goodness i woke up cos fell aslp the night before without covering any econs topics. and my test's at 12 pm. so from 6am to 10am - i conscientiously sat down and try to do as many topics as i can. as the chinese proverb goes, "last minute hug buddha's leg." true to its words, its only when time are that pressing, that i can keep my attention from waning for more than 1.5 hr.

the test went fine. 2hr paper with 40 MCQS. din sound that tough to me initially.. until i sat thru it. not that the qn are hard but the options given are often ambiguous. hope i do alright.. *fingers crossed.* my only hope for mid term test now.. (since my EL sucks, and ICM + SC shld sucks too.)

after that went off to do my SSA1201, Singapore Society project. gosh.. we are so stuck. we are doing on globalisation, topic CHOCOLATES. sounds tantalising.. indeed. but we just can't think beyond mere presentation of the data. had to interpret the data.. maybe do survey where relevant but how? its another solid 30% and up to this point in time.. little is done. i'm starting to get a lil freaked out. its due next friday. gosh.. we really have no time. anyone can help?? or if you come across any CHOCOLATES related stuff (especially if its linked to the globalisation process), pls lemme noe!! your help is appreciated.. deep down. we r desperate already.

since collin is not out today until 11pm (in camp helping out with commissioning parade. as 'high class spies'.) i got the whole evening to myself.. suddenly have 'this' impulse.. been wanting to do 'this' for a long time..
yep!! i went back for TKBand (the best band in the land) alumni practice. so excited, nervous. but happy. haven been touching a horn for the longest time. i miss the french horn. how it sounds like. how it feels like. how it looks like.
but i can't play it well anymore. thats sad and demoralising to realise today. i can't even read the score well anymore. can't hold the horn without feeling aches on my shoulder or pain in my lil finger. can't understand some terms like concert Bb. can't play. can't pitch. can't understand. all these i used to be apt in, things that i used to emphasise to my juniors, make a big fuss when they dunno.. i'm losing it. its quite sad.. like a part of me gone with the wind.. probably gone for good. but no.. won't let it happen. must jiayou!! practise harder.. recall the terms.. but too bad i cant go back to alumni as often as i would like to. have other priorities that are equally impt..
something was different bout this alumni practice though.. funny. got a lil 'culture shock'. after alumni, almost everyone hang ard. i wonder why. 4 cars parking under the Rotunda (mr siao's, cheelup's, jonathan's, tng's). not there without a reason. so i found out today that after alumni, they would go somewhere to eat,drink and PLAY UNO. (last week was airport.) heh.. had lotsa FUN!!! went Kallang KFC and played the Shrek UNO combined with Barbie UNO (courtesy of Mr Siao). gosh.. we are so noisy but we are enjoying ourselves so much that we probably dun care what ppl tinks. never knew UNO can be that fun.. there was 15 of us (me, adeline, yi zhen, wei ee, liying, mr siao, law eng, jonathan, chuan zhi, yewhang, yu nai, kenneth, tng, tng's sis, cheelup).
all in all, it was a great alumni prac. glad i went.. even though su wasnt with me this time round. =(
APPEALING TO EX TKBAND MBRS, PLS ATTEND UR ALUMNI IF YOU CAN K. lawrence eng is suppose to call you guys. but well.. not doing a very good job ya. haha. hmm.. k la. he's a busy man.

now.. i'm deadbeat. tired. sleepy. but happy. collin gonna book in at 1pm tmr. have to wake up earlier to meet him. else will only get to see him next week. ciao.. and off to zZzZz.